Pain and bruises // self-reflection

self-reflection is like looking into a mirror and describing what you see

(listen with sound x )

Last year, the last couple of months of 2017 taught me so much about myself, the good, the bad and the ugly!

I’ve always been an advocate for self-reflection, but I’ve been so caught up preaching it instead of taking the time out to reflect on myself.

While reflecting, I could notice certain life events has affected me mentally, spiritually, emotionally; the hurt, the pain.


P.S. SELF REFLECTING WAS REALLY HARD FOR ME:

Because the thing with me is, I always put myself down and never believe in myself, and its gotten to the point where I’m so used to putting myself down, its become apart of who I am.

While reflecting there were a few questions I asked my self…

Strengths 

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What are my strengths?  lol! I won’t lie, it took me a day or two to think of some strengths because I’m always putting myself down, due to insecurities etc.I generally had to ask a couple of friends, what they think my strengths are…

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Lmao at “meet deadlines” is this a CV? Love ya xxx

I realised, my strengths should come naturally, something that is authentic to me, what is my unique strength(s)?

Weakness

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What are your weaknesses? Knowing my weakness is as equally as important as knowing my strengths so that I am able to work on my character and better myself as a person. One of my weakness is I am easily distracted… Going back a few years my school reports from primary – secondary have always had comments like ” Vanessa is easily distracted “.

Skills

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What are your skills? / What am I good at? Going back to my insecurities, I always believed for a long time that what content I produce or create was C.R.A.P! So I never understood why people will always comment, ness.. you’re so good at.. this is really good… can you teach me how to do this…I would put so much pressure on myself that I began to believe I was crap at doing stuff and ending up not creating at all. I began to hate editing, hate recording, hate taking pictures etc. But I’ve learned that I am skillful in editing, photography etc. I’ve also figured that even if I don’t believe in my craft, I can better myself through practicing even if I fail, I should try again and not just quit at the first hurdle < which I’ve done numerous times>

Problems 

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What problems occur? Everyone goes through situations at work or at home. Being in third year at Uni < praise God, because I’ve wanted to quit so many times >. I’m commuting for third year, which has its cons and pros. One of them is when I’m trying to do my assignments and my dear mother calls me to say… ” Ɛkɔm de me ” which means ” I’m hungry” …….. and I reply…  in my head, of course, lol ” I have 4 other siblings in this house unooooooo” lmao.

There tends to be ALOT of distractions at home, I’ll say I’m doing my assignment but end up watching different types of programs or episodes on Netflix for like 4 hours and then only do 5 minutes of work and close my laptop and congratulate myself lol!!

But, I realised that there was a lot of distractions and I didn’t want to go to the libraries in London. So I ended up going to my university library < remember I commute from London city > but going to my university library was easier as I had the resources I need ed and there were fewer distractions. I solved one of my distractions.

Being consistent is HARD !!!!!!!

Achievements

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What have you achieved? I’m not saying in your comfort zone you won’t achieve anything, sure you can. But for me, when I’ve left my comfort zone, I’ve achieved and appreciated my achievements more than ever. If you know me, you know I’m scared to leave my comfort zone. Starting a YouTube channel with a friend, I was nervous, I was scared of comments, what people would think of me, how would people take to me < ” > but starting a YouTube channel helped me with my confidence as well as starting a blog, helping out in a Christian networking event (being the videographer), applying and winning vouchers from TUI, being a radio prsenter , doing baby dedication photography and albums, becoming a media officer in second year of uni, going to events/ conferences by myself < which is scary at first lol > etc… if this was me 5 years ago, you wouldn’t catch me doing such things; but thank God for growth, courage, and friends who push you out of your comfort zone by force.

Happiness

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Are there things I’m unhappy with? Protecting your happiness at all cost is important. What makes me happy? What makes me unhappy? And how can I change these elements?

Solutions

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Find solutions. While reflecting I came up with solutions I never knew I could even come up with to make me a better person, to improve my character- realising what I can do to improve these situations, taking on responsibility when I’m in the wrong and learning to let go.

Although self-reflection can seem difficult at first, or even selfish or embarrassing, as it does not come naturally… it is very beneficial.

Self-reflecting helped me learn so much about myself that I didn’t know even existed because I never ever took the time to understand me. I doubt myself way too much. I learned to take in accountability in situations I find myself in, whether I’m in the wrong or right, I’ve learned to let go of situations. I’ve also learned being angry and being resentful is a complete waste of time, I’m only hurting myself. Self-reflecting helped me realise to stop seeing myself through the eyes of others or those who don’t value me. I know my worth and my worth in the Lord. I’m beginning to value myself and my life more and I’m also appreciating the blessings I receive and yet to receive :).

Self- reflection allows our minds and heart to process and think about your character. We begin to pay attention to the elements beneath the surface of our lives – questions we ask ourselves daily, feelings or frustration. When you make space for self-reflection, it’s when we discover an authentic connection to our souls and to God.

In case no one told you today : you’re beautiful, you’re loved, you’re needed,  you’re alive for a reason, you’re stronger than you think,  you’re going to get through this , I’m glad you’re alive, you are not alone don’t give up.

love,

Nessa ❤

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5 thoughts on “Pain and bruises // self-reflection

  1. *clapssss while crying!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾amazing and truly inspiring 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 Keep it up bubs, God has created you for greatness!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Vanessa, you are absolutely strong and carageous! You are a wonderful person.

    Sometimes when we look at ourselves we cannot see positives because we are looking through our own eyes. Change the lense.

    Just by having a heart of purity sets you out from a lot of people. You have wisdom and because of that, you should thank God for creating you just the way you are. Yes, we all can improve as individuals in every aspect of life. However, you have to keep in mind that life is a journey. We stumble and fall. Life is not easy.

    If you can’t run walk, if you can’t walk crawl, if you can’t crawl, roll. Whatever you do, just keep moving.

    God wants you to know that you are special. Look at the story of Job in the bible. He was one of the wealthiest men of the east and basically lost all that he had. However, he kept persevering and he also stayed close to God. God eventually blessed him, giving him more blessings and riches that he had previously.

    Don’t give up! When you feel down, just remind yourself that God created you for a purpose. All the negative elements in life will come to test you but as long as you stay true to God, he’ll bring you through whatever the problem is.

    Liked by 1 person

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